killerpylon

how did i pick her?
i am falling in love with you.
all i did was message her.
i am telling you the truth.
i was not going to message her behind your back.
i keep lying, so i stopped, and told you what i was going to do.
i choose you

i had a fun night otherwise.
won bowling twice.
woo.

xxx

the last few days have been mixed.

friday was a lovely lovely day.
we went to falkirk, and it was a really nice day i will remember for a long time...holding your hand in the sun, walking aimlessly through a french market, feeling that only me and you mattered.

and sex outside. im shocked at myself.
but i like it.

then pool was funfunfun. i enjoyed drinking and poppers with you.
your such a tease sometimes.

but then when i came to say goodbye at night, i could not find you.
people told you were with marc. i was worried.
i found you in little random area, behind fences, and saw you on top of marc.
i was so sad, and just ran home without even thinking or looking properly.
i now feel a tit when i accused you. again.

im such a bad person for that.
im not sure how you love me sometimes.

i do trust you, i do.

then i was reading through your bebo comments, and there was definite flirtage from nixon and stuff, and i feel so protective, even when i know for a fact, you only like me.

thats why i cant sleep at nights i think.
i feel like such a bad person half the time, cause i cant trust you.
and you could trust me, but i decided to destroy by doing something stupid.


on that note, i have not spoken to kim since thursday, when i last told you.
seems odd i dont feel like talking to her, although i feel bad for ignoring her now.

seeing as you are trying to be her friend again, maybe i should at lesat say sorry for picking you instead of her. probally wont just now. let things simmer.

i feel fuzzy again for you.
i dont know if its love.
but its been a while since i have wanted to see you this much.
the last time i felt this was when i was first in love with you

AND YES! i was in love with you, even if you dont believe me.

i think im falling again.
i hope you still love me.

worried about recording on thursday a wee bit.
got to record in layers which will be tough.

had a rubbish band practice last night.
sigh.

got paid, but 200 quid of that is going to bulgarian money on tuesday

xxx

five favourite songs of all time.
until next week anyway.

1. Falling Down - Muse
2. I Get Along - The Libertines
3. Red Right Ankle - Decemberists
4. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
5. First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes

xxxx

sleepy...

many of lifes entities mean very little to so many.


am i not an oscar wilde for a generation?